June was long. Felt long. I was many different versions of myself. Writer, author, wife, friend, daughter, business owner. I was pulled in lots of directions, sometimes all at the same time. In these moments, the first thing to go is my discipline. I wish I wasn’t like that. That my routine was the spine of my day. There was a time when I was, around 2022, when I woke up at 5AM religiously and chipped away at my novel before the sun rose. Then, in 2023, once the book was finished, I replaced that with the gym, because I needed somewhere to go. Now I’m up at 6:25. I roll over to an empty bed, as my wife has already been to the gym. I beg her to lay down for a little while longer. She is disciplined, so she stays upright, kisses me, makes us breakfast, passes me a Celsius (peach raspberry) and waits for me to emerge so I can push 1.5 milliliters of levetiracetam down our cat’s throat. I’m supposed to read and write but instead I scroll. We are going to war, or have been at war depending on who you ask. We are greenlighting a genocide. I watch it all from my phone screen, waiting for the day when I’m the one broadcasting a tragedy live and in living color. I keep scrolling. Someone is pregnant, another married, another living their best life, another burying someone who shouldn’t be dead. While I slept, many days played out around me. By the time I’m done minding everyone’s business I feel both powerful and powerless. Like too much and not enough. Like I’m failing, failing all the time. At all of it. But I try every day all the same. The trying amounts to something—little progress here, some there. I want to be better. Many days I feel like ambition is futile in a world that keeps ending while knowing that if it all holds I’ll regret not writing that book. So I’ve been studying. Watching things for tone. Writing down the things that sound right, cutting things that don’t. Starting at page one. But the discipline. I’m having trouble finding it. And I know it’s me. That how I feel is the summation of my choices and that it’s landed me here, back at the beginning, terrified, living the same beautiful day, with people who I want to live forever for and feeling like I could be doing more, missing a version of myself who woke up at 5AM and sat down and didn’t scroll. I’m working on it.
Anyway, onto the post.
Highlights from June
At the beginning of the month, we had a popup at Shanklin Hall, a Black-owned bar in DC. It’s exciting to feel like the business is growing, but more than anything I love seeing C in her element. So many of our friends and family came, reminding me that we have an immense amount of support on both sides.
Strangers have been telling me they loved Homebodies–in the club, when we’re at events, at pop-ups. I don’t live and die by the praise and criticism, otherwise I’d evaporate, but it’s good to hear—a reminder that people might want to hear from me again.
On that note, there’s some exciting movement in Homebodies world, which C celebrated by giving me a very cute card and some fancy Swedish candy.
My friend Erin came to town and I went to dinner with her, her cousin and her friend. We started out at Lilistar, but there was some kind of Black real estate event happening, so we skedaddled and ended up at Sunday in Brooklyn, where I ate the yummiest coconut shrimp and a half-chicken that would make you weep I’ve been really into half chickens recently, a shift from always ordering a large format steak. Recession indicator?
As always, Allie and I voted early—this time for Zohran as mayor. Feeling hopeful but also anxious. The merch is very good.
I spent Juneteenth in Prospect Park with friends. We, the older lesbians, sat on a blanket eating Juici patties and cocoa bread while the younger lesbians danced and looked at each other meaningfully. As a people watcher, it was great fun.
I was invited to a private candle making class at Scripted Fragrance in Warwick so I made it a date night for C and Sean and Dontai. We drove up on a Friday afternoon and mixed up three candles each. It’s so much harder to come up with a good scent than it is to make a candle, but thanks to the team there, it was all painless. They also got us food from Drowned Lands, a brewery across the way, and I’m still thinking about those grilled peaches and pita.
Sundays is officially out of the house and in a commercial kitchen, We’re also partnering with a coffee shop in Brooklyn, KYO, on order pickup. It’s a huge move for us and I couldn’t be more excited about it.
I went to an event at BAM to celebrate Octavia Butler, hosted by Jupiter Magazine in collaboration with Alfreda Cinema, an organization that streams Black film. They screened a series of shorts inspired by Octavia’s work along with an interview between her and Julie Dash. One thing Octavia Butler said in that interview that stuck with me was, I need to write things I care about, not things I already know about. I love that framing, feels helpful.
I was very outside for Pride this week, starting with Babe on Tuesday and ending with Buckin’ on Saturday. The vibes were immaculate, the women were fine as hell and my ponytail was so tight I probably moved my hairline back by an inch. Worth it, though.
Lacey came to town for a few days and I loved having her here. We ate pancakes for dinner, danced around, and I introduced her to my newer friends. It was great.
I saw a clip on Instagram about Love, Brooklyn in May and then fixed my mind to see it. It screened at Sundance and then essentially disappeared from the internet, but I found a showing in Montclair, New Jersey as part of a film festival. We made the trek on the last Sunday of June in lieu of Pride festivities. After we walked out, C said, you know what I love about movies like these. The Sundance ones? They understand silence. Which—yes. Also Montclair is very cute—in a Jersey kind of way.
We had dinner at LaRina for Rae’s birthday, who continues to be the most beautiful woman in the world. 10/10 recommend if you’re planning a dinner. The staff is great, the prix-fixe is reasonable, and they customize the menu for your event.
We got a new couch! The cats seem disinterested in it, which was the main reason we got rid of our old one (they shredded it to the bone). Now I want to redo the entire living room—moodboard, along with a photo of said couch below.
Leila Mottley recently released her second novel The Girls Who Grew Big, and I had the honor of talking about it with her at Greenlight. It’s very good, and I’m excited to see readers interact with it.
Lowlights
I’ve watched my friends navigate some difficult shit this month. Stuff they don’t deserve. I’m doing my best to be there, to stand in the gap and be a witness, do what I can to help.It’s a reminder that life is long if you’re lucky but the endings are often abrupt, even when you see them coming. It’s a reminder to love your people, apologize, pick up the phone, be present.
The state of the world. What to do?
Reading
Two things!
Great Black Hope by Rob Franklin - I read this shortly after my book date with the author. I have lots of thoughts but I’m reading it publicly with my colleagues at New York, so if you’re interested in my thoughts on it, I’ll be mostly talking about it there. If any of you have read, though, I’d love to hear what you think!
The Girls Who Grew Big by Leila Mottley - I read this one for our talk at Greenlight and was struck by how much Mottley has grown on the page. I can sense that the narrative is tight in her grasp. Not that Nightcrawling wasn’t, but this one is ambitious in a different way, and I’m impressed by her ability to create contrast while also maintaining connectivity. Excited for whatever she writes next.
Watching
The Better Sister (Prime) - A thriller about an editor-journalist who seems to have the perfect life until her husband dies and it all comes apart. It’s a predictable show that lacked real twists and turns but I’ve watched so many of these (and will continue to) that I wonder if I’m incapable of being shocked or moved.
The Mortician (HBO) - Its been a while since I watched a documentary that made me call someone and ask are you seeing this? but that happened multiple times with The Mortician, which is about a mortician who was jailed for moving spooky with dead bodies. He’s unrepentant in the way these characters are, and I was amazed by how little interest he had in the very valid criticisms of his life decisions.
Really Love - I’ve been watching lots of romantic comedies, trying to understand format and strategies. This one came out more recently and I’ve mostly avoided it, but I decided to lean in and watch it a few weeks ago. It’s spiritually similar to Love Jones and is about an artist who meets a girl and they fall in love
The Shakedown - This documentary is about a Black lesbian club in Los Angeles in the early 2000s and the women who made it possible. I eat stuff like this up and was really compelled by these women who were carving out a life within a society that was both hostile and dismissive. Beyond that, I love a workplace story, hence my affinity for shows like The Bear.
The Bear (Hulu) - Speaking of, I had a lot to catch up on. I fell off in the middle of season three because it was going in such a different direction tonally that I didn’t connect the same. Well, I’m glad I returned. Things are definitely different but not in a totally bad way. It’s much more meditative, which I don’t dislike exactly, but there was something about the original tense, frenetic pace that made me feel inspired. Now that I’ve adjusted to it, I’m in the character’s thrall again, and deeply invested in what comes next. It’s more sentimental than before, and I think I like that? Mostly I just want to see these characters win.
Hav Plenty (Tubi) - My TikTok algorithm has gotten extremely specific, to the point that there’s multiple videos in the vein of movies I haven’t seen yet but should. I’m appreciating going beneath the blockbuster b-movies that are always readily available and watching some lesser-known films. That included Hav Plenty, a (sort-of) romance by Babyface. This movie isn’t exactly good, truthfully it’s kind of bad, but there’s an authenticity happening there, even when it feels absurd. The way the characters relate to each other feels true and I appreciated the friction, even when all the pieces didn’t quite come together. The protagonist Lee is also a unique protagonist, kind of an asshole, quirky and rude, but sort of charming. I don’t know. There’s so much about this that shouldn’t work and doesn’t work, but also kind of does.
1000-lb Roomies (MAX) - I never watched 1000-lb sisters but I was curious about this show, which follows Nesha and Jaz, roommates who are more like sisters. I’m liking it. There’s a lot of social dynamics at play. Nesha, the smaller of the two, starts the show in a caretaker-cheerleader role, encouraging Jaz, who struggles with mobility and being perceived, to do things like go to restaurants and visit the beach. But when Jaz decides to start her weight loss journey in earnest, it upends their relationship, which was reliant on eating together and Nesha being the doer and the support. Nesha doesn’t want to support this next phase completely because it isn’t without complications, but she’s also having a hard time coping with her changing role and losing her partner in eating. It’s a really compelling portrait of a friendship, and doesn’t shy away from that nuance and complexity. I love it.
The Baby (HBO MAX) - An insane thriller comedy about a woman who has a demon baby suddenly show up in her life. It’s funny and actually kind of scary. I really loved the family drama, which was well-drawn and felt nuance and complicated. I enjoyed it.
The Space Traders - I watched this at that Octavia Butler event. It’s part of a trilogy of films called Cosmic Slop and is based on a short story by Derrick Bell, which appears in his book Faces at the Bottom of the Well: The Permanence Of Racism. The movie is directed by Reginald Hudlin, who also made House Party. The premise is compelling: if aliens came to America promising riches but required people to give up all the Black citizens, what would the world choose? It’s a brilliant social commentary and feels deeply relevant, especially right now. Loved it.
Trainwreck: Rob Ford — Going into this, I had no clue who Rob Ford was, but now I do. Some basic facts, he was the mayor of Toronto and ran on a populist platform. In many ways he was a proto-Trump. When accused of things, his strategy was essentially to deny and deflect. It’s also important to know that he is insane. He got caught smoking crack (twice!), denied wanting to eat out his staffer, saying “I have enough to eat at home,” and then, kind of hilariously, got caught on video ranting in patois. He was a virulent liar until he was literally forced to tell the truth and managed to hold onto support despite his general malfeasance. I suppose like America, our neighbors to the north love a comeback kid.
Love Island (Peacock) - I’ve never watched Love Island before this season, mainly because I already have an assortment of insane shows to keep up with. But this season my college friend is on it so I felt compelled to watch it. That, and my friend Jade told me to. We end up texting throughout, which makes it feel communal. This show is insane and I’m told this season is not like the others. My opinions on the various characters are unpopular so I’ll keep them, but I don’t suspect that I’ll watch the show again.
Queer Ultimatum (Netflix): In this truly perplexing show, couples trade partners in order to fix their relationships. Season one was nutty but season two is beyond the pale. We’re seeing levels of betrayal unthinkable to anyone other than fanfiction writers. I regularly yell at the TV while watching it and send Jade an absurd amount of texts recapping my reaction in real time.
The Intern - Nancy Meyers is a talent. She’s very good at her very specific kind of storytelling and you have to respect her knack for unconventional pairs and well-appointed sets.
Love, Brooklyn - This is a movie about a few things but mostly a writer who doesn’t want to write about a changing Brooklyn so instead decides to tinker with the delicate relationships in his own life. On the one side there’s Casey, his ex, with whom he still has chemistry and on the other there’s a newly single mother, Nicole. Brooklyn, as it is now (the characters regularly go to Sincerely, Tommy) is a character too. The cinematography is beautiful, the score is on point and the characters don’t think too much about themselves. There’s a lot happening, to C’s point, in the silence. I wanted to hear more, personally. I like to hear people talking. Not in metaphor or symbolic language but having it out in a real way. But what I liked most about the film was how real it felt, in that it’s rare that you open one door without closing another—and even when that door is shut, sometimes there’s a window. I’m glad I saw it.
Eating
Crab fritters and jerk wings from St James
Grilled cheese and Rainier cherries at the good weather skin picnic @ Sauced (transformational)
Coconut shrimp at Sunday in Brooklyn
Cardamom turmeric tea at KYO Brooklyn
Fries from Pies n Thighs
Everything at Sofreh
Wings at Golden Diner
Crochette and the focaccia at LaRina
Grilled peaches from Drowned Lands Brewery
Connay’s pasta salad
Wishlist
Swivel chairs from crate and barrel (currently on clearance!)
Bundles for a curly sew in
These shoes from Madewell
Expense Report
A lease for the new kitchen
Books, namely a hardcover copy of The Girls Who Grew Big
A square reader for taking orders
Until next time.
l resonated so deeply with the beginning of this post. you captured all of the complexities of what it means to be a person right now and l appreciate you for sharing your thoughts.
l also love 1000 lb roomies and the evolution of their relationship in just 4 episodes has been really interesting. I’m curious to see how the season continues.
A low light bullet point being the state of the world is so fucking real.