Final File_29
May in review.
May was a long month but a good one. It was a month that felt compounded and expansive. So many seeds I’d sown in the months and years before have come back around bearing big flowers and dropping bigger seeds. I put those in the ground too. It was also a month of clarity. I’ve realized that absence is sometimes a placeholder for pain and that certain people are mirrors of other people you once loved and so in loving them you can feel pressed up against things you’d rather forget. Instead of running, I looked those feelings in the face. I sent pages to my agent, and have been talking about the novel a lot, which is good I think? I don’t have a clear relationship to superstition. No good rules. I don’t know if talking about the work corrupts it or edifies it. I feel different depending on the day. Generally though, I feel good. Very good.
Anyway, onto the post.
Notes from May
I got my hair braided. Six cornrows, with no hair added. It’s a new look for me, but I like it.
Later that night, we went to dinner with Jade and Nicole. We went to a Chinese spot in Jersey that had excellent General Tso’s chicken. After, we went to Tops in search of oatmeal raisin cookies but by the time we got there, they were sold out.
I went on two book dates this month, both with people I’m deeply impressed by. More on that, soon!
I had a three-event day, which resulted in me working from the back of an Uber. I started at an Augustinus Bader panel where I learned about their new night cream. Then, I headed to a Kate McLeod event at Kate’s apartment, which looked like something out of Architectural Digest. It was my first time trying the body stones, which are solid lotion bars. I was surprised by how moisturizing it felt and how easily it rubbed in. Then I went to Bottega for a very secret launch. It was on an upstairs floor on Madison Avenue with walnut walls that looked expensive. I was very late and took pictures, which I was not supposed to do. After that, I went to Bibliotheque, a book bar in SoHo, where I met Nicole Dennis-Benn for a late lunch/early dinner. We haven’t seen each other in a bit so it was great to catch up. She also gave me a copy of her next novel, Black Gold, which comes out in January. I can’t wait to read.
That night, while C and I were going to bed, I told her about the summer before junior year, when I decided that cool teenagers woke up late. I naturally wake up early, it’s rare that I’m asleep past 7:30, but that felt like an old person thing to do and I was young. I would stay up all night talking to Lacey, Chamel, and Mia. Sometimes I would watch TV or lay in the dark. It worked. I started waking up with half the day behind me and felt mature as a result. C said “That sounds like you,” and I laughed hard at her knowing me so well.
My stepmom graduated from Syracuse with her PhD. My sister flew into town from Texas and we drove up. During the graduation ceremony they talked a lot about AI. That depressed me. But I was happy because she’d worked really hard. I remember when she decided to enroll. It was 2022 and I remember saying to her, you’ll be done before you know it, even though it felt very very far away. And now here we are and 2030 feels impossibly distant even though I know it’ll somehow be here before I know it and I’ll say things like wow, how was 2015 15 years ago? It was just 2022. After, we went to Bonefish Grille and we had fried shrimp that tasted like a McChicken.
Her graduation happened to fall on Mother’s Day Weekend so we spent that Saturday with my stepmom and that Sunday with my mom, who drove up from Baltimore. She picked up my grandmother and we all went to lunch at Ovelia in Astoria. I gifted my mom a body stone and my grandmother a bottle of Prada Paradox because she loves perfume. I sent my mother-in-law flowers, which she liked.
Met with book club, my favorite thing to do. This time, we read The Witch by Marie Niaye, which I will write more about soon.
Joanna Goddard hosted a bunch of us at her place for a sort-of salon. Unsurprisingly, Joanna is an incredible host. It was a nice cross-section of people from different spheres and I ran into a few people I knew, but had the opportunity to meet new people too.
Celebrated the release of Fat Swim at Center for Fiction. It was an incredible event. Emma was so thoughtful about the event’s format, which made my job incredibly easy to do. For Fat Swim, she did a five-event book tour, each one touching on a different sense. Mine was sight. We incorporated this by projecting images that moved us and talking about why. I chose a painting by Sahara Longe and an image by Faith Couch, two artists I deeply admire. After, I bought a bunch of books and got a cool tote. I also matched my outfit to the book (I love a theme!).
The images I chose I had lunch with Sasha Bonét. We went to Salvo’s, which we’d planned to do the last time we had lunch, but it was closed. I enjoyed it! We talked about the things we were working on and giggled late into the afternoon.
The next night, I had an impromptu dinner date with Blake at Charlie Bird. Blake is a friend I see sort-of often but in mediated spaces. We’re often hugging quickly at an event or seated close at a brand dinner. It was fun to spend time together differently and order half the menu.
A lot of people have been asking me what the big dream is and I love that. I can articulate it though I don’t know how to reverse engineer it, which is why it feels “big.” I’ve been working toward it in earnest though, which is good for me. I like to be in motion.
C and I went to Nicole Taylor’s for a rooftop happy hour celebrating her husband’s graphic design work. We had lots of fun talking about the music industry and its various characters, so much so we were very late to our dinner reservations after. A professional host, Nicole knows how to do a spread. My favorite thing she put out: lemon pepper popcorn. It’s hopelessly addicting, the kind of snack you eat by the handful.
After, we went to see Terrace Martin at Blue Note. The last time I saw him, he performed with Kenyon Dixon, who sang a rendition of ‘Come Together’ that I still think about. I admire how prolific Terrace is—he puts out a lot of music and it’s clear that this work orders his life. I’m really inspired by people whose lives are organized around their creative work. It feels like a living example. I also like how jazz musicians often work together. It always seems so easy, at least the way they talk about it on stage in those manufactured asides. They’re like, I called my boy Robert Glasper, which is a nuts sentence, or K.Dot hit me, another nuts statement, but then we know it happened because we’re listening to the song on the other side. Writers don’t do that same thing, at least not as easily. We don’t just make collaborative stuff, and maybe we should?
That next day, C and I met Alex at Chef Chaz’s popup at Frog, where we sat at long picnic tables and drank glasses of orange and white wine while we waited for barbecue. While there we ran into lots of people I knew. It felt like the perfect kickoff to summer. After, C and I stopped at Marvel for a vanilla cone with sprinkles that started melting as soon as they handed it over. It’s getting hot!
Went to dinner with Madison U. at Miss Ada. We split a bunch of stuff and talked about the big dream. We also talked about the various seasons in our life and the ways we were growing around them. To say I’m grateful for her is a gross understatement.
Saw the costume exhibit at The Met with Imani, who I haven’t seen in probably a year. We mostly bond over being one of the last people watching Law and Order: SVU but it was nice to hang out in real life. While there we also stopped by the Raphael exhibit, which was breathtaking.
The third week of the month, C and I headed down to DC for her grandmother’s 95th birthday. The family threw a surprise party for her and invited a cross-section of family and friends. Her best friend from childhood, Miss Connie, flew in with her daughter. I only knew of Miss Connie through stories and many accidental phone calls—C’s grandma often calls her and says, “Connay? Aw, I was trying to call Connie.” It’s the cutest thing. It was beautiful to finally meet Miss Connie and to hear her talk about them being girls in Roanoke, Virginia. They have managed to hold on to each other through all of life’s happenings. They’ve buried husbands and siblings and friends and through that they have had each other. I was really moved by that. I was also in awe of the fact that in the twilight of her life, her family could easily gather 120 people in a room. A testament to a life filled with love and devotion from all sides.
Grandma and Miss Connie After, there was the cousins kickback, which ended with C and I getting salt and vinegar wings from America’s Best in Woodbridge at one in the morning, the ideal midnight meal.
I see my baby sister every few months and I’m always amazed by how much she changes in the time apart. I’ll look back at photos of her where I thought she looked older and realize she was so small. Time is passing quickly. This time, I learned her music tastes have evolved. For a long time, she was a Hamilton-head, it’s all she would let us listen to in the car, but this time she insisted on “songs she knew,” which translated to Tyla, KATSEYE, Zara Larssen, and PinkPantheress. She’s a pop girl! We also watched High School Musical (her first time) and she asked me if they kiss at the end. To avoid spoilers I said maybe. She said, “that means yes!” She’s very perceptive.
While in town we also went to see Mbiye and Sean. We had a long lunch at The Royal (the pork belly was a standout), where they had their first date. After, we stopped by C’s grandma’s for an early dinner and sang Grandma happy birthday. Then we swung back over to Mbiye and Sean’s for drinks and dancing. We went to Shanklin Hall’s third anniversary party, where we danced all night. The DJ was very good.
The next day, we went to breakfast with my parents. Then I spent the afternoon with my cousin Mohsen. It’s hard to get him on the phone because he’s always working (he’s the executive chef at Ciel in DC) but in person we really get down to it, which I appreciate. We also worked out and I’m probably still sore from that.
On the drive back up to New York, we stopped at Tops in Newark so I could finally get my oatmeal raisin cookies. It turned into an hours-long hang out with Jade and Nicole and we didn’t get home until after midnight.
Sent pages to my agent!
I caught up with Madison M. We had a five hour call where I filled in the shades of everything happening lately. She doesn’t let me hide from myself and I appreciate that. I try not to let her hide either.
Went to Mercy’s five-years-in-Brooklyn hang at Herbert Von King. There were three completely separate groups in the barbecue pit, emblematic of Brooklyn as it stands: New York natives, who were double-dutching in the dark and playing DJ mixes on speakers. Then there were the transplants, the people I came to see, who were listening to Frank Ocean and talking about everything but work. Next to us, a group of young white people who looked like NYU graduates, wearing military caps and high socks, playing hackeysack in a circle. There was one black girl among them who looked very happy to be there. Fascinating stuff.
Stayed out too late with a new friend and her friend. But I finally made it back to Bar Heretic, which was still very good on the second pass despite them switching up the wine menu.
I spent the last day of the month on Sasha’s rooftop, which has panoramic views of Brooklyn and Manhattan. It was a party for her brother’s birthday, whom I’d never met. The party was filled with lots of interesting people, including LaTonya Yvette, who I finally met after some months (maybe years?) of following each other online. We settled into the couches and talked about the writing process, where I lamented about, though being close to the end of the novel, feeling like I’m still at the beginning. I used this island metaphor, which I almost certainly lifted from someone else, maybe Isle McElroy, that writing a novel can feel like sailing between two land masses and at many points being in water so deep you can’t see the opposite shore. Figuring out the novel is an act of navigation, steering the ship so you can get to the destination, while attempting to keep the vessel intact and all the characters onboard. It’s an incredibly difficult task. Sometimes you have a map, sometimes you have instinct. Sometimes the map isn’t accurate. Sometimes an idea in the shape of a bird flies overhead, distracting you. Other times a wave or a storm knocks you off course. It’s a lot! She was very patient with me and my ramblings about ships and novels, which I appreciated.
Reading
The Witch by Marie Ndiaye
I read this with book club, so thoughts to come!
Death of the Soccer God by Dimitry Elias Leger
This is a novel about a real-life Haitian soccer star born into a wealthy family whose life takes a series of unexpected turns. It opens in a very Giovanni’s Room-type way: when we meet Gilbert Chevalier, he’s standing in front of a firing squad, staring death in the face. The book recounts his life up until that moment and how he landed in this tense situation. The plot is enticing but I really love the writing, which feels urgent and electric. I love the way Leger writes about jazz and Haiti and soccer. It’s bold and fearless and a little brash. I loved it.
Flyboy in the Buttermilk by Greg Tate
Greg Tate’s iconic book of criticism had been mentioned a few times in the past few months, so I prioritized it. You know how you think something is new and then you meet the source? Reading Tate is like that. I like that he says exactly what he means. His words feel elastic to me, but he’s holding the rubber band. You know? In his essay about Basquiat he writes about the griot:
“To read the tribe astutely you sometimes have to leave the tribe ambitiously, and should you come home again, it’s not always to sing hosannas or a song the tribe necessarily has any desire to hear” - Greg Tate
Someone told me they read bell hooks’s criticism alongside it, Both hooks and Tate reviewed Basquiat so I’m excited to read the two essays and see what comes of the comparison.
Watching
I was very outside, so I watched very little!
The Cult of NatureBoy - I’m fascinated by cults mostly because I’m interested in the conditions required to sublimate the self and give the self over to a higher authority, especially when that authority is charismatic but largely nonsensical. NatureBoy is a social media influencer who rode the conscious community wave before creating his own master theory of the universe which relies on a thinly veiled synthesizing of the grifters that came before him. What interests me about NatureBoy in particular is how people flocked to him despite his incoherence. What he had was certainty, which I suppose can get you a long way. I also had a lot of trouble with the fact that he only really picked up steam after the abuse allegations came out. In the cults of yesteryear, the leader often performed goodness to hide the many layers of moral corruption and rot hiding just beneath the surface. NatureBoy, especially as he unraveled, let it all hang out. He wasn’t secretive about his patriarchal, misogynistic bent or violence toward women. And yet, people followed him around the globe. It says something, I think, about where we’ve gone as a people that the ability to inflict violence without masking it is alluring and for some, the point.
Goat - Not good!
Lurker - This psychological thriller is about a guy who gets folded into the entourage of a rising singer. It follows the development of their relationship, which moves from adoration to something much darker. Tonally, it reminded me a bit of Whiplash, and illustrated the precarity and fragility of fame. Archie Madekwe, who plays the artist, turned in an incredible performance. He manages to sensitively portray a person in the throes of fame, who is both drunk on his own starpower but yearning to be good at his craft and in that pursuit, not feeling good enough. He’s vulnerable and that comes through, which makes him a character to root for, even when he’s dismissive or cruel.
Rock the Block - My favorite home renovation show is back! In this, former HGTV stars and design experts are tasked with designing a house. The goal is to renovate with the appraisal value in mind—the winner is not who picked the nicest finishes but who adds the most value to a home. It’s a fun watch and I like judging the choices everyone makes.
Half Man - I really enjoyed this drama by Richard Gadd, the creator of Baby Reindeer. It explores familiar terrain—shame, grief, abuse–this time, following step-brothers, Niall and Ruben, whose mothers are lovers. Their dynamic is difficult from the outset. Ruben is brash and violent but also fiercely protective while Niall is enamoured with him, it’s so clear that he’s the sun. The show starts out strong. The first few episodes are brilliantly plotted and I like that each episode adds another level of dimensionality to their relationship while also tugging us forward through time. I also like that it trusts the readers to fill in the time gaps. All in all, well done!
In Heavy Rotation
An update on the now very-sold out Vibram V-Souls. I’ve been wearing them every day since I bought them. I can’t get enough. They’re incredibly comfortable and surprisingly versatile and a consistent conversation starter. Every time I wear them out I field a compliment. I’ve also being seeing them in the world a lot—it’s possible I’m just attuned but it feels like something is brewing.
I never considered myself a chunky lip liner person—I value precision—so I initially dismissed this lip pencil from Ilia but this month I realized I reach for it more often than I expected. I had that unique experience of falling in love with something without realizing it, only to look up and realize that I miss it when it’s not in my bag.
I’ve been pairing that with the R.E.M. Beauty Glossy Lip Balm in the shade Juicebox.
Nala Sinephro’s Space 1.8. I write to Space 4 on a loop most days.
My current fragrance mix – Maison Louis Marie No. 04 Bois de Balincourt and Armani Santal Dan Sha or swapping out Armani for my all-time favorite Diptyque Lunamaris.
On My Wish List
To finish my draft, damn it!
A weekend upstate
A warm lobster roll
Allegra posted about these sunglasses from a brand I’ve never heard of—Side Eye. Looks promising! I like these.
This dress from Ronny Kobo. I’m loving all things pool blue at the moment.
These Keen sandals, which feel ugly in a good way
I’ve been doing a lot of fantasizing about pants. I’m looking for breezy pairs that I can throw on and feel put together in.
Expense Report
I spent a truly painful amount of money this month on mundane administrative things.
I did buy some stuff from Mango, but I’m returning most of it. The one thing I’m keeping is this nylon pen case and maybe the brown jeans
I also bought books because I can’t help myself!
The Abyss by Jeyamohan, trans. Suchitra Ramachandran
Immersions by Kyle McCarthy
Prestige Drama by Séamas O’Reilly
Break Room by Miye Lee
Until next time!
immediately going to book some cornrows this weekend!!!
Bring back the all brow fit immediately.
You have the prettiest life