Final File_24

December in review

December was delightful but I spent much of it with a low hum of anxiety I couldn’t shake. It was a sharp turn from the rest of the year where I was often so happy I would cry just thinking about it. I’m generally an anxious person so I had a hard time pinpointing where exactly that feeling was coming from and even when I did, it stayed put. Clarity doesn’t always come with relief. That feels like a scam.

Last month I declared that in December I said I would become a recluse and I did not, though I did get deep into my routine and closer to the things I’ve set out to do (I’m running out of ways to say I’m working on the novel). I wrote quite a bit, enough that it feels like progress, and finished a short story I was running from. I went to the gym a bunch and got back to waking up at 5AM, when I can hear myself best. I saw friends a lot, which is when I’m happiest and FaceTimed my sister often. By the end of the month I felt better and I went into the new year (writing this from 2026!) feeling cautiously optimistic.

Anyway, onto the post!

Notes from December

• We started out the month at Babe. I’ve been to every event they’ve hosted since September and at this point it has become ritual. Everyone there is beautiful (important to me) and now we have a good group of people we tend to go with. C and I met up with said group and spent the night drinking lots of wine, running into people we knew and people watching. It was a great time. At the end we all hugged and promised to see more of each other in the new year.

• A few days later, Nicole invited me to her friend Yaya’s art show. It was that night, which was great because I love a spontaneous plan—it shortens the time between my yes and the event, which means I stay excited. The show, Late Stage Babe, explores the commodification and exploitation of Latina women through prints that depict Yaya as a cutout doll. I really enjoyed it. After, we headed to Bar Valentina for a quick nightcap where we split steak frites (this place has great french fries), drank seltzer and ginger ale and talked about life. I love a deep chat in a low-lit bar so this was my ideal night. I also wore a very cute outfit—I love an excuse to catch up.

• A friend, who I’ll call Marigold for reasons that will become clear later, and I started a book club. It’s in person, which I’m excited about—I believe 2026 will be a year of gathering—and includes some of the most brilliant women we know. With their permission, I’ll be publishing their anonymized thoughts on the novels we read, contemporary fiction mostly written by Black women. We chose contemporary fiction because it’s important to engage with work being created right now. We often venerate past works and declare that our best days are behind us, but I find that to be nihilistic and untrue. Incredible things are created every day, every year, and it’s on us to support, amplify, engage and critique the existing work, especially if we want to see more of it. At the end of our meeting I’ll publish “Book Reports,” which will include questions we asked, things the text brought up, what we liked and where we challenge the work. Even though our in-person book club is a small group, we would love it if people read along with us and shared their thoughts, whether that’s in an email reply or comment. Our first book is The Wilderness by Angela Flournoy.

• Alex hosted a holiday gathering at Lucky Strike in Queens. She split us up into three teams of six and gave said teams reindeer-themed names (Dasher for life!!). To make things competitive, the losing team had to settle the tip. Everyone got very into it, swapping bowling advice, strategizing and switching out balls every few frames. The DJ also happened to be incredible that night, so much so I kept saying that I would follow him wherever he went—and I mean it! (DJ FX if you’re curious). I left feeling like we should do this all the time, a telltale sign that we had a great night.

  

  The bowling champs!

• A few days later I had lunch with Sasha Bonét, who I adore. She’s a brilliant writer and so smart I could talk to her endlessly. We went to Abracadabra Magic Diner, a Turkish spot in Ridgewood, where we talked writing and relationships and I had a borek for the first time (big fan).

• Alex has a love songs playlist that she makes yearly and graciously shares with us. I’ve been listening to it on shuffle while I go about my day and have found new favorites, like Stevie Wonder’s Visions, which I’ve been listening to obsessively.

• I’ve started waking up at 5AM again and I realized that it’s been the missing piece of my routine. I need silence and twilight to get into the thing and I’m trying to organize my life around that.

• Yaminah hosted a game night at her place which was lots of fun. She made chili and cornbread and put out a fruit plate. I ate all the honeydew melon. I Shazamed a lot of music. I’m a shameless Shazammer. I can often be found in a restaurant or bar or coffee shop with my phone balanced above my head like a wine glass. I know that I look silly but I don’t care. What makes the whole thing even more ridiculous is that my Shazam works about 45 percent of the time so I often lose the song or wait until it’s on its last notes to decide I need it in my library. It’s a whole thing but I enjoy the thrill.

• C and I had tacos from the place on the corner which makes a passable al pastor but isn’t as good as our old truck by the subway which left when they started renovating our stop and never returned. While we ate we read our individual books—she was listening to Heated Rivalry on audiobook while I was paging through a novel I eventually put down and I remember feeling really content at that. I love when we “parallel play” and do our own activities next to each other.

• Sean came over and we went to a Moroccan spot in Astoria, Dar Lbahja, that’s lowkey and makes a very good lamb shank and couscous. The tea is great too, as are the french fries. After, we came back to the apartment, watched episode four of Heated Rivalry and ordered Insomnia cookies.

• On that same note, I’m obsessed with Insomnia Cookies right now. They make my favorite oatmeal raisin and they deliver.

• I had my dream book date. More on this later.

• I went to the Studio Museum archive sale where I picked up more books than my shoulder could reliably lug home. I also bought the tote bag, which is very sturdy and nice-looking. I also ran into Angela Flournoy which felt lucky, given that she’s our January book club pick!

• That same night, I was back in Harlem for dinner with Jet. We went to Clay, where we split sausage and broccoli rabe paccheri (my first time having broccoli rabeI didn’t hate!) and roasted chicken. It was supposed to be a quick thing before going to Harlem Fete, a Black literary party, but in true us fashion, we ended up talking until late. When we did finally pull up, it was a half-hour before the party ended and I spotted Brit Bennett pulling on her coat. Once inside, I ran into practically every writer I admire along with my first publicist, Karintha, who I adore. At some point, I realized I was standing feet from Jacqueline Woodson, which made me freeze. I don’t get starstruck unless it’s with writers because I’m both impressed and intimidated. She was talking to Ola, who runs The Free Black Women’s Library, and Verta, who had on this beautifully tailored blazer and great glasses (and will be starting a Substack one day soon). I was telling Jet I would love to meet her and so she wrote it out on her phone and showed it to Ola which turned into the phone being handed directly to Jacqueline. It was hilarious and slightly embarrassing but also delightful. Jacqueline thought it was funny (I think) and I tried to say a coherent sentence, which I’m almost certain I failed at. Anyway, that’s the story of how I met Jacqueline Woodson and also how I decided Jet is one of my favorite people on the planet (I suspected this already but certainty is a gift!). I’m excited to go back next year.

  

• Celia turned 31 so we went bowling in Sunset Park. I’ve bowled twice in a month which is very frequent for me because I usually go once a year if at all. The alley was old school in the way that actually old stuff is. There’s the anachronistic updates alongside the things they didn’t bother to change. It was like going to your grandparents house where there’s a flat screen on top of the TV in a wooden box and vintage Happy Meal toys and photos of Obama (always in his first term). It was packed out and noisy and they ran out of shoes so I bowled in my Crocs. It was great. I also had my first dirty Shirley Temple, which I didn’t know was a real thing until Carrie told me she drinks them all the time.

• Sydney had her annual holiday party which is always one of my favorite events of the year. I got to talk books with Eliana, catch up with Olivia and Kayla and laugh with Madison U, who I don’t see often enough.

  

• A few days later, Taszie came up for her birthday (her and Celia have the same birthday!). She turned seven this year, to which my dad made a 6-7 joke by way of a South Park gif which feels very him. My stepmom took her to see Hamilton and then we met them at the American Girl Doll store . She chose a Bitty Baby. Then we walked over to see the Rockefeller tree, where we took some photos. From there we hopped on the subway to go to dinner with my dad. We went to Charlie Bird, an Italian spot that plays lots of old-school hiphop and has good food. It was pretty much fan service for my dad, who I knew would like the vibes, but also fulfilled Taszie’s request for pasta. After, my dad said, we could come here again, which is the ultimate sign that he enjoyed it.

• A couple days after that—I know and love lots of Sagittarius’s—we headed to Jersey for Jade’s surprise birthday party. We had the best time, so much so that we didn’t leave until almost 3AM. There was always another shot to sip, a song to sing or thing to talk about. We also met another couple we clicked with and the six of us are planning a triple date. We’re thinking of going bowling.

  

• Christmas was two days later. We always have a lot of stops—this year there were four. In the past year we’ve started driving down on Christmas Day because we get to wake up in our own bed wearing matching pajamas. It also usually means less traffic because everyone has been running around and traveling the day before. Our first stop was C’s aunt’s house, where we did a big breakfast with her parents and their siblings. We ate biscuits and potatoes and watched the Commanders v. Cowboys game. I also had her aunt’s carrot cake, which is very good. Next, we went to Lacey’s grandfather’s house. He lives down the street from my dad, so we popped over there to drop off a gift and then over to my grandmother’s where we ate and laughed and rehashed decades-old family drama. As my grandmother ages she’s become more unapologetic, which I’m obsessed with. We also celebrated my grandparent’s anniversary (63 years married). After we cut the cake, she told us about the three pieces of advice she received about how to choose a partner. Her teacher told her to marry for money, her great-aunt told her to marry for potential, and her mother told her to marry for love. I asked her which one she picked, and she told me not to worry about that. Finally, we went to Woodbridge to C’s grandma’s house. We spent time with our cousins, took family photos and hung out with my in-laws.

• The next day was my stepmom’s birthday. We went to brunch at First Watch with all the in-laws, which I loved. Ten years ago, I never imagined we’d be able to do anything even close to that so I’m grateful that we’ve made it to this place.

• Sophia and I had an impromptu hot chocolate date at Brooklyn Farmacy (the chai hot chocolate is incredible). We were hungry before so we wandered into Untable, a Thai spot down the street. It had dim lighting and great music, good food and a bartender with great recommendations and even better energy. We were pleasantly surprised and charmed by it. A reminder to walk-in and check reviews later.

• I’ve been driving a lot, which is different because most people would say I’m a passenger princess.

• Lou is in town from Mexico City so we got dinner at Fish Cheeks. We chatted until they made us give up our table and then drank tea at the bar.

• I used up a Barnes and Noble gift card during their big sale. I ended up buying two books.

• Alex and I went to dinner at Milly’s where we shared french fries and a prawn roti dish I’m still thinking about. During dinner asked me about how I want the novel to feel and I said like this. She said like two girls girling? And I said yes but I also meant that I want it to feel like conversations with someone you have a shared language with and can tell anything to: confessional, a little dishy, like being in a back room even in the middle of a crowded bar. We’ll see if I get there. I also told her about a realization I had recently—that I love how our friendship feels unique but not special. By that I mean I know I am not the first or only friend that she’s loved/loves well. I see it in the way people show up for her and the rooms she curates, the way people say her name. It’s an incredibly lucky thing to have an Alex, to be loved carefully and heard fully. I’m lucky to be part of that group and in the best company. To call her a sister-friend. I feel doubly blessed to be writing and thinking at the same time as her. She has put words to feelings and thoughts I’ve had but couldn’t articulate and been an example for how to show up as oneself and to be brave. I often learn through a processing of bearing witness and then incorporating. I need to see it done and I need to admire it. She is the best example. I am grateful to be led by it.

• C and I had a quiet New Year’s Eve in, which is my preferred way to enter the year. We went to the gym in the morning, did a little grocery shopping, watched a movie, ordered pizza (took a chance on a new spot and it was incredible, a new favorite), sipped a little champagne and were in bed well before midnight. I also wrote down my intentions for the following year, the things I’d like to prioritize and things I’d like to let go. I don’t journal, it’s not my thing, but this is the closest I’ve come to it in a long while. I tend to focus less on concrete things and more on concepts to return to. This year, my words are nurture, cultivate, and rigor. There are a lot of things I want to keep and other things I want to grow—relationships, projects, etc. Rigor though, that’s my highest ideal. It’s because it makes sense of the pursuit, less about the end product and more about process. It’s beyond instinct, though instinct isn’t totally divorced from rigor, but rigor values accuracy and precision, something I could stand to have more of. I’d like to go deeper this year and take more time with the things I care about. To keep asking questions, better questions. I’m fascinated with what makes a good question and so I’d like to get good at that this year. I want to follow my curiosity all the way down, wherever that leads. I’d love to know what you’re pursuing, if anything, so please tell me about it.

Reading

Cursed Daughters by Oyinkan Brathwaite

I was a My Sister The Serial Killer evangelist so I knew that I’d read Cursed Daughters when it came out. Brathwaite’s second novel follows a family grappling with a curse that unravels all their romantic relationships. To make things even more complicated, Ebun’s daughter Eniiyi, looks just like her dead cousin Monife, which has the family convinced that she may be her reincarnation. Even though there’s an element of the supernatural with the curse, Brathwaite resists focusing on whether it’s working or not. Instead, in an impressive show of restraint, the novel grapples with the space between fate and free will. Whether the curse is real or not is immaterial if everyone behaves as if it is. It makes a ghost story deeply human. It also led me to meditate on the way we construct reality and how the truth is in part shaped by its participants. It wasn’t a perfect novel, or even a favorite (when Siraad asked about it I told her it was a quick read but not necessarily a “good” one) but it achieved its goal successfully.

The Sisters by Jonas Hassen Khemiri

I read The Sisters next, which I’d seen recommended by Hunter and a few other people. It’s about three sisters and their neighbor Jonas, who shares a name with the author. The decades-spanning family drama follows the girls from early adulthood to proper adulthood and dips back into their childhood by way of Jonas. It’s a chunky book but somehow moves quickly—the writing is precise and intimate and almost a little breezy. It’s my kind of book—family drama, imperfect, interesting people, a secret that could upend everyone’s lives. I liked it ultimately, even if it got a little less coherent toward the end. Would recommend!

Heart the Lover by Lily King

This was my last read of the year. I read it in two sittings over the course of a day—it has this propulsive structure that sort of holds you hostage until the end. It’s about a girl named Jordan (a pseudonym), who meets these two boys, Sam and Yash, and starts dating Sam while also building this friendship with Yash. Jordan makes a choice that changes the dynamic of their friend group, which reverberates in the ensuing years. I liked the first half best and found the back half to be melodramatic, but for some people (many people!) it worked. Mbiye started reading shortly after I did and said she really enjoyed.

Watching

Way less TV than normal!

Boarders - This is a Tubi original about a group of kids from South London who go to an expensive boarding school that launches a scholarship program to rehab their image after a PR crisis. I really like it. Very character driven and everyone feels distinct. Season one was really entertaining and I found myself rooting for all of them, even when they frustrate me. I’m excited to see how season two unfolds.

Eddington - Ari Aster’s latest, Eddington, is a thriller about a sheriff who decides to run for mayor and his campaign against the incumbent. It’s a sort-of dark comedy that explores the absurdity of the COVID-era, and explores the way information can be used to distort and exploit. I thought it was interesting if not good and it also begins to think about the incoherence of whiteness without exploring it outright. I can’t say I liked it, but there were moments I was entertained.

Caught Stealing - I don’t really know what anyone was talking about in this because I was staring at Austin Butler and Zoe Kravitz together. They look good. I kind of get why the girls like him now. All that said, this movie was fine.

Now You See Me, Now You Don’t - C and I went to see this in theaters and I was deeply disappointed. I liked the first and second movie a lot. I understand generally that Now You See Me is sort-of silly. It’s about a secret society of Anonymous-esque magicians who are fighting inequality through sleight of hand. It’s ridiculous and I get that but at the very least it was entertaining and the tricks were fun to watch. So it’s not that I’m unable to enjoy the premise of the Now You See Me-verse but rather that the third movie was a total flop that at its core undermines the franchise. It tossed so much of the characterization and lore they built up in previous movies out the window and it also wasn’t well-told. The middle was saggy, and while they managed to pull it together a bit in the final third, it still fell super flat. I’m particularly sad because I decided to see this over Zootopia 2, which I now realize was a big mistake.

Wake Up Dead Man - Now this is how you do a third installment. I fear this might be my favorite of the Knives Out movies thus far. It follows a priest who is moved to a small parish helmed by a problematic priest in upstate New York after punching a fellow clergyman. In Knives Out fashion a murder happens and though the case seems impossible to solve, the answer is hiding in plain sight. Of all the movies, this one felt the least twisty but had the most heart. It’s the first where the side characters felt less important—less ensemble, more character study—but it really worked. As always, it gestures toward broader social archetypes and the issues de rigeur. Unlike Knives Out, which poked fun at the rich and Glass Onion, which took aim at the technocrat billionaires, Wake Up Dead Man was mostly interested in the cult of personality and how religion can be peverted to sow fear and distrust. I really enjoyed it, I would watch 101 more.

American Conspiracy: The Octopus - I love a conspiracy/cult documentary so when this came up in my recommended tab on Netflix, I put it on in the background while I worked. It’s about a possible government coverup that was discovered by a journalist who was later found dead. It’s less exposé and more primer about the nature of spycraft and the gray areas of intelligence. Interesting overall.

Evil Influencer: The Jodi Hildebrandt Story - This documentary focused on the psychologist/life coach Jodi Hildebrandt, who was Ruby Franke’s literal partner in crime and abuse. What I found most fascinating about the documentary was how many of the experts and witnesses they included were part of the Mormon church who were trying to wrap their minds around the church’s patriarchal culture being exploited to create an environment of abuse without criticizing the existing structure. The victims who felt empowered by Jodi’s teachings were in a situation where they were told they had no voice or control over their sexuality or choices. If there was no need for a Jodi-like figure to tell women it’s okay to push back, she wouldn’t have been as successful at getting so many women to sign on to her program. It was interesting to watch them skirt around it. Anyway, I’m glad she’s under the jail where she belongs.

Two for the Money - I’d never heard of this sports drama, which stars Matthew McConaughey and Robert DeNiro. It’s about an enigmatic gambler who runs a sports betting advisory firm and the hotshot he takes under his wing. It’s not a good movie but Matthew McConaughey looks good in it, which counts for something.

The Threesome - This movie reminds me that it’s not always the plot but also the tone and aesthetic of a film that determines how it’s received. It’s about a man who has a threesome with his dream girl who he’s not-yet-dating and a random girl they meet in a bar. Things happen and it’s the kind of plot that would be totally at home at Tyler Perry Studios. What I did like is that it shows the contrast between what it looks like when someone is interested and willing versus when there’s nothing exactly wrong but nothing quite right either. The film did a great job showing the difference.

One Battle After Another - I wasn’t moved! A lot of people have written intelligently about this film and its depiction of Black women so I won’t reiterate it. I will say the cinematography is good, I particularly liked the car chase scene.

Wish List

A very good coffee table

• A writing retreat—if there is a hotel in the world that would like to sponsor this, let me know. If there’s a beach involved, even better!

• I’m also manifesting a vacation so I’ve been window shopping in advance. I’m interested in this swimsuit. I also want these Aqua Turf water shoes

• A Simplehuman paper shredder—I have so much paper I would like to responsibly dispose of

• A coffee table. After five-ish years I’ve decided I want one. I like this burl one from Ferm Living, this square one from Lulu and Georgia (I like the legs), this other sculptural one from Lulu and Georgia (created in collaboration with Eny Lee Parker). I’m also open to a padded ottoman like the Dalia from Sixpenny or this one from Soho Home.

• I’m still thinking about trays and this one, which has feet, is very cute.

• A Dupray steam cleaner because I’m unoriginal

• A new kitchen island

• These barrel pants from Gap

• A beautiful candle from Pacha Soap

• A knit Adidas x Wales Bonner jacket because I saw Tahirah’s mom in a knit set when they went on vacation

• Also this Adidas Firebird zip up

• A black cherry Owala water bottle

• This Cadence makeup bag

• New nightstands with storage

Expense Report

C and I in matching pairs of Tubular pants

• A stainless steel French press from Quince because the glass one dropped

• Technically I was gifted these but I got my second pair of Everybody.World Tubular pants and I’m very thrilled

• I tithed to AMC Stubs because I didn’t go to the movies much, though seeing the one movie, the subscription still basically paid for itself

• Lots of ASOS that went back

• A Roblox gift card for Taszie, an Uber gift card for Sharif