Final File_23
November in review.
In November, the days went quickly and the weeks were filled. When I look back at the month’s notes it feels impossible that I did all the things. For everything I mentioned below there were at least five other happenings that didn’t make the cut. I was busy! I’ve been outside! Come December, I will probably turn into a recluse and say no to everything until Spring. This is a lie because if people invite me out I almost always agree to go, but still, I can feel myself withdrawing, which means I probably need to hear myself think. We’re coming up on two years of Extracurricular also, which is exciting. I’m thinking about how I want this newsletter to look next year and the word I keep coming back to is interactive. I want to create more opportunities for call and response, so if there’s something you’d like to see me tackle (advice, book recommendations, anything!) I’m happy to do that. There’s also some half-drafts I should probably release into the inboxes too. Anyway! Onto the post.
Notes from November
We started the month at Lacey’s dad’s 60th birthday party. His birthday is on Halloween so it was a properly spooky soiree. Lacey went all out—there was a balloon garland that wrapped the staircase, red lighting everywhere, a food truck with incredible fried fish and wings (will be booking them in the future). Connay and I dressed up as Bob and Linda, fitting because we own a food business. At 1AM, most-everyone had filed out, but we hung back to help clean and wind down, which culminated in my favorite moments of the night—us dancing to “Take Me Thru Dere” in the kitchen and Lacey’s dad telling us stories. He’s an incredible storyteller—I always end up laughing until my stomach hurts.
The next morning, hungover, I somehow made it to the gym with my cousin Mohsen. I do think this working out after a night out thing is working—I did unfortunately feel better after. Post-gym, we had a long lunch and talked about the state of our family. We feel the ground shifting under our feet as our parents and grandparents age and we get to decide what to do with it. Luckily we’re on the same page about maintaining our foundation.
In love with Reign, his puppy The following week I dinner at Polo Bar (fancy!) with Caroline, two of her clients—the founder of Saint Supply and Noem, respectively, another beauty writer and a facialist who I regularly pester with questions about skincare. One of them was psychic. She told me some very spot-on things about my life and the people in it. Nothing shocking, but I love a moment of divine clarity and orientation.
I had dinner with my friend Asiah at Trad Room in Bed Stuy, which Alex later explained to me is the “Wendy’s of Bed Stuy”. We sat knee to knee at the bar and spent the night laughing so hard i think we made the people next to us uncomfortable. We’re friends who instantly had a good feeling about each other and decided to make the friendship concrete later. We attended each other’s weddings maybe four months after knowing each other, and I’m glad we did. She’s become my girl and I look forward to our nights spent.
I watched the most recent season of Selling Sunset and live-reacted to it in Madison M’s messages. We’re nine seasons deep in this thing now, and it’s one of my favorite traditions we have.
Chamel and I have been going to the movies weekly and sending each other outfit picks in addition to reviews. What I wore to see Bugonia, below:
Zohran won! I’m thrilled!
We did date night at Jade and Nicole’s. C made her famous chicken soup and we drank too many Cutwaters.
Carrie and I went back to Fish Cheeks because we couldn’t stop talking about it. This time, we brought C, who is allergic to shellfish but convinced it isn’t real. She had the wings, one of the few shellfish free things on the menu and she brings them up at least once a week.
When we went to the Available Works Book Fair a few weeks ago we met a seller who told us about the WFMU record fair, which is exactly as it sounds. C collects records so we made it a priority to go. We ended up chatting with meeting donald byrd
Spent a day browsing furniture in Industry City with Carrie, Ryan, and Allison. The West Elm outlet is actually quite good. I was less impressed by Design Within Reach, but I did sit on lots of office chairs, which narrowed my search considerably.
One of my favorite performances of all time is Dorinda Clark-Cole singing Still Here. I’ve watched the Youtube video of it at least three times this month
C doesn’t have a Twitter, or Threads, so sometimes she texts me things she would tweet. It’s the cutest thing.
I worked in fits and starts on a piece. I sent it to Camille and we zoomed about it, at which point she said, please send me something you even remotely believe in. It floored me that she saw me and my work with such clarity—I’m grateful to have her as a sounding board.
My friend Shay turned 35 and had a yearbook party. It was nostalgic in the best way. We posed for photos, ate Domino’s pizza and drank Caprisuns. After, a lot of us migrated to Aux, a karaoke bar in Bed Stuy, where we sang deep cut R&B songs and ate wings. At some point we sang gospel acapella because they didn’t have it in the song library.
The birthday girl! Tamara lives in Brazil, but one way we stay connected is swapping music. This month, she sent me a bunch two songs: all over u by Rowena Fysx and Your House by Steel Pulse. I sent three—Love, Love, Love by Donny Hathaway, Ribbon in the Sky by Elmiene (the entire live album is insane) and Continuum 1 by Nala Sinephro.
Thanksgiving was busy as it always is. We had three stops this year. We started at my mom’s which is the closest to us, where we ate oxtail and macaroni pie and watched Stranger Things. My mom, on the phone with someone in Jamaica, making her rounds, referred to me and C as the girls, which I adored because it’s a reminder that she looks at the two of us and sees her kids. Then we went to C’s family’s house, where my in-laws squeezed me tight and we ate fried turkey (incredible) and carrot cake. We ended at my grandma’s house with my cousins, where we ate half a plate (we were stuffed by then) and talked until midnight, reminiscing on our lives together. I ended the night washing all the dishes (I didn’t cook anything, so this was my contribution) and listened to my grandma talk about how good her memory was when she was in the sixth grade.
The next night, we went to Mohsen’s apartment for our newly-invented cousins night, where we drank wine, smoked hookah and played card games. We were up until late, which was inadvisable because we had to get up for my grandma’s brunch the next day. We made it, albeit later than originally planned. We said one and it ended up being two. We didn’t eat until five. My grandmother, in her silky mumu, refused to sit down even though we told her there was nothing for her to do. All of her kids, minus my uncle Timmy, were in attendance and almost all the cousins. My mom was there too. It was big and beautiful and blended. I drove back to New York thankful and deeply grateful that we can come together like this. It was like a deep exhale.
Another birthday girl In between all that we squeezed in a quick brunch at Mbiye’s, where we ate waffles and I revealed my inability to dance.
The night sky at my dad’s. It’s a blanket of stars.
Reading
I read one book this month, Palaver by Bryan Washington. It’s about a man living in Tokyo whose estranged mother shows up on his doorstep. It’s a classic Washington novel and I really enjoyed it. I reviewed it for Vulture’s Book Gossip newsletter, where I said something more coherent.
Watching
All the things!
Sorry, Baby - This is a film about a woman navigating life after experiencing trauma that alters her life. I liked it okay. It was too short and not meditative enough but there were a few moments that really stuck with me, namely her finding the kitten and that man being very nice to her while she cried in the car. Her friend also had a very cute baby.
The Chair Company - I watched three episodes of this. The premise is essentially, what if instead of you experiencing an embarrassing moment, it was actually a grand conspiracy that kicks off an adventure with lots of twists and turns. I couldn’t get into it, mostly because the main character is horrible to everyone and every projection he has turns out to be true.
I Love LA - I saw a Thread that described it as what would happen if your roommate got her screenplay made, a pitch perfect way to describe it. I really disliked the first episode but I enjoyed the second. It’s growing on me, I’m still only laughing once per episode. Maybe twice. The more Tallulah we get, the more I like it. I also didn’t buy into the lesbian chef character but that rice moment made me blush a little, I won’t lie!
Bugonia - Yorgos’s latest is about a man who decides to take justice into his own hands by kidnapping the CEO of the pharmaceutical company that hurt his mother. There’s an interesting question here: Does Michelle, played by Emma Stone, deserve to suffer on behalf of bureaucratic violence? By holding her solely responsible, it personalizes a largely faceless and often unaccountable institution. The film doesn’t spend much time here though, because, as I was saying to Martha when we discussed it, Yorgos is less interested in these topics and more invested in using these as entry points to do weirder shit. Not only is Michelle this CEO who has done evil things under the guise of research, Teddy, her kidnapper, believes she’s an alien. At first, she vehemently denies this, and he tortures her until she begins to play along. In the end, Teddy turns out to be right—she is the alien queen he believes her to be. While this ending made sense, it ended up sending the message that Michelle’s torture was justified because it ended up being what he thought, It also suggests that humanity’s savior is an unhinged, extreme white man who’s pretty much a serial killer—which, if feels like a weak case. Beyond all that, I thought the movie was quite funny and there were lots of moments where I was cackling in the theater, it’s my exact humor, so I enjoyed those parts of it, even if I didn’t like the movie overall.
After the Hunt - You could go see this, or you could rewatch Tar. It’s about a tenure-track professor, Alma, who has a weirdly intimate relationship with another teacher, Hank, vying for a similar role. She also has a too-close relationship with her TA, who is clearly enamoured with her and wants to emulate the way she looks and moves. Things take a dark turn when the TA, Margaret (Ayo Edebri’s character) accuses Hank of assaulting her and Alma reacts poorly, questioning Margaret’s credibility and then practically abandoning her. Julia Roberts and Andrew Garfield turn in great performances but the whole thing didn’t gel for me. There were notable moments—the hospital scene comes to mind—and it was beautifully shot. The clothes were great too. I just wish it was a romcom instead of whatever it was.
The Roses - This comedy follows a British couple who meet in a kitchen and move to America. They settle in Northern California in a house by the sea. The husband is an architect and the wife is a homemaker who makes extravagant desserts for her family. That dynamic flips for reasons I won’t spoil and their dynamic erodes over the ensuing decade. I liked this up until the last third, where it got to levels of violence for me that largely spoiled it. Another thing, there does seem to be an emerging archetype where a man is undone by circumstances he would have no issue putting his wife in. Then, emasculated, he seeks to destroy or undermine her. Women are never depicted with this level of resentment toward motherhood or domesticity and if they are they turn into rabid animals or are riddled with impressive levels of guilt. In these, the men are present fathers and resentful husbands and even though they are exhausted by this task they revel in their suffering. It’s troubling, and stands in stark contrast to the proliferation of the “Mr. Mom” types who were active in the home and supportive of their empowered girlboss wives. It feels like an evolution of the archetype, that over time he grows resentful rather than adjusting and adapting to a different family structure. Spooky stuff!
Anatomy of A Fall - I had similar thoughts watching Anatomy of a Fall, which is very tonally different from The Roses but explores some similar themes. In this, a man falls from a high point in his home and it evolves into a police investigation where the wife is the prime suspect. Really, it’s a taxonomy of a relationship in which one party can no longer speak for themselves. It’s a well-plotted story with great writing—I loved the fight between the couple in the kitchen. It’s hard to write conflict and this does it well. That one line “I see you very clearly I just don’t see you as a victim,” HIT. “You impose your solutions and they are for you only,” hit too. I have a lot of thoughts about romantic versus platonic love and while I maintain that they are both valuable and think that platonic love is particularly incredible due to it being entirely voluntary, I do think a big advantage of romantic love is that it is designed to contain conflict. Friendships have a harder time with this. Romantic love is also designed for mirroring—living in close proximity with someone who is expected to fulfill certain needs and meet expectations allows you to constantly examine and witness the intricacies of a person’s behavior, witness them passing and failing in ways both extraordinary and mundane. It allows for these rich reflections that cut to the shadow side of the self we present to the world. In the closest partnerships, there is almost nowhere to hide. But back to the film. When we view AOAF as a moratorium on Sandra’s worthiness as a wife and mother, a darker image emerges. The prosecutor is verbally abusive toward the main character, framing her as the dead husband saw her, selfish and an inattentive mother. The prosecutor is less interested in the facts of the case and more preoccupied with her role in her marriage—who she interacted with, their fight, the contours of their life. The fact that this woman, who exists outside of traditional gender roles is punished with her husband’s death and then becomes the main suspect, almost reifying that the consequence for existing outside of the boundaries is suspicion and public flogging. The ending pushes back on this a bit, but I couldn’t help but feel like I was being forced to watch a woman being put in her place so to speak for daring to be ambitious. With all that said I enjoyed it. The child actor is brilliant.
Down Cemetery Road - I am contractually obligated to watch any and every British crime thriller, so I knew I would watch Down Cemetery Road. It’s about an art restorer who sort of stumbles upon a cover up and kidnapping when her neighbor goes missing. So far I don’t love this, even though there are lots of great actors in it like Emma Thompson and Ruth Wilson, who was brilliant in His Dark Materials.
Kumare - I found this documentary while searching reddit for cult documentaries I haven’t seen. This was the only one I didn’t recognize. It’s about a filmmaker who becomes a fictional guru in an attempt to prove that anyone with the right look can do it. He invents false teachings rooted in everything being an illusion and comes up with phony yoga moves. He puts on his grandmother’s accent, grows his beard long, and enlists two friends to act as evangelists. The movement is small at first, but it grows, until he has a little over a dozen people who believe in him as a guru. Over time, he comes to believe in it too. It’s an interesting look at the power of persuasion and the nature of faith. It leads me to believe that some of the most skeptical people are really just looking for something to believe in.
The Vince Staples Show - I’ve only seen one episode so far and will likely watch it while I work. The scene with the lesbians was funny.
Stiller and Meara - In this documentary, Ben Stiller revisits his childhood home, which is being put on the market a few years after his parent’s passing. It’s part oral history and part love letter to the people that raised him. I hadn’t known that Ben Stiller’s parents were stars in their own right and I loved learning about their journey as a comedy duo and how they navigated being in entertainment with raising kids. I was moved!
Memento - I watched this because it was recommended by the Sinners script supervisor in a podcast interview. He said it was the best script he’d ever read, which made me curious. It’s an early Christopher Nolan film and has this interesting structure—it moves backward and forward until, in the end, it creates a clear picture of the circumstances. I wouldn’t say it’s good, but it is interesting
All Her Fault - I love a Big Little Lies/White Lotus-adjacent show, so All Her Fault should’ve worked for me. Unfortunately it had Tyler Perry-levels of melodrama and there was so many things that didn’t make sense. Why would Jay Ellis toss himself in front of a gun for a white family who just accused him of being a bad person? One of many wtf moments that took me out of the show.
Knives Out - I rewatched this and forgot how fun it is. It’s fun!
Beast in Me - This was fine. I think if it were better plotted, episode eight would have been episode 5. Alternatively, it could’ve had 10 more episodes so it didn’t end where it did.
The Best Man - One of my favorite films of all time—no notes. I love how it consistently subverts expectations while always being in line with the characters. It’s good! Also, the reason why we electric slide to Candy is because of this movie, so we have to give the film its flowers.
Call Me By Your Name - After someone on Threads commented on Timothee Chalamet’s latest fits, where he looks like an aspiring member of G-Unit, someone said he should twink again. It made me laugh so I decided to watch Call Me By Your Name (I’m late, I know!) It’s as good as everyone says it is. I never bought into the relationship, but I did love the main character’s coming of age which was in turns thrilling and heartbreaking.
What’s Your Number? - Now this is broke man propaganda. And internalized misogyny made real. It follows a woman who decides to go back through her exes so she doesn’t acquire another body after reading an article that said women who have sex with more than 20 people are less likely to marry. She ends up teaming up with her fuckboy neighbor, who uses her as an escape hatch to avoid the women he has one night stands with. Eventually, she finds the first guy on her list, who seemed to be the most promising. He’s attractive and wealthy and fairly normal. She decides she would rather date the problematic man across the hall who decides she’s not like other girls *gag*. I hated it. It’s also almost the exact same thing as The Materialists with slightly different stakes.
Friends With Kids - In this 2011 film, two best friends decide to raise a kid together after they realize they don’t want to go the traditional route of building a family. It’s interesting until they fall in love in the end, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.
Friends With Money - Different film, similar title! This one stars Jennifer Aniston, who is the only one in her friend group who hasn’t achieved financial stability. The film rotates between three families with differing class statuses as they navigate life. I liked it but it’s kind of quiet and maybe a little boring? I enjoyed it generally.
Ocean’s 8 - A fun caper! No notes.
IT: Welcome to Derry - This is about the town of Derry, where IT, the demented clown, haunts the sewers. The show gets into ITs origin story by way of the kids who are being tortured and killed. It has a distinctly Stranger Things feel—I kind of like it I think? I’ll keep watching.
Oh, Hi! - This was bad!
The Last Duel - Based on a true story, this is about the last duel on record in 14th century France, prompted by the assault of a man’s wife. The movie moves through three perspectives—the husband of the victim, the accused, and the victim. It’s a powerful examination of perspective and how we’re perceived versus who we believe ourselves to be. Dominion does this a little too, which I think is part of why I like it so much.
Whiplash - White men can’t drum, apparently.
Stranger Things - Eh.
Kevin Hart: Acting My Age - Nace forced us to watch it. It wasn’t funny. At the end my grandma said, he’s crazy!
Heated Rivalry - Writing this newsletter because I have nothing better to do until the next episode drops. I am simply obsessed.
Best Bites
Everything at St. James
A pork chasu bun from a stall in Industry City
Goat cheese and jam toast from Milk and Pull
Fish Cheeks
Hello kitty strawberry marshmallows
The chicken sandwich at Norma’s
C’s chicken noodle soup
My chef cousin’s pancake
Steak at Polo Bar
Funfetti cake at Doc’s Cake Shop
Wish List
I decided I need a tray after seeing a random photo on Pinterest. I like this, these stacking ones from Schoolhouse, or this textured one from Hawkins New York.
A wicker hamper for the bathroom. This one from The Basket Lady is nice-looking but pricy.
This Hay crate in bordeaux
On the hunt for new undies. I recently interviewed Adwoa and I told her I thought wearing one brand and color of underwear is incredibly chic. This kicked off a hunt for underwear that are black or white (or gray!), high cut (I like my belly button to be covered) and 100 percent cotton. My current contenders are these from Gap, these from Cuup and these from Oddobody, though my coworker Dom says the Oddobody aren’t at all elastic.
Another pair of Tubular pants from Everybody.World. I waited too long and now the shade I want, Mulberry, is sold out. Also eyeing the hoodie.
New side tables
A storage bed. Deciding between this one from Article and the Captain’s Bed from Gothic Furniture. The latter has a showroom in Queens, so I’ll likely go see it IRL. Dreamy, but apparently poorly made, the Crate and Barrel x Jake Arnold collaboration.
A dining bench
This Yowie tote
I recently decided I prefer my Lands End totes to the LL Bean ones because they have better built in organization. I want the navy and plain canvas ones next. I’d also point out that the small makes a great book bag. I fit four bags and a journal in there easy, but can’t fit a laptop, which I like.
Expense Report
Lots of records from WFMU Record Fair
Pointy boots
Aritzia let us loose in their store and gifted us our entire cart. I got lots of stuff, including cashmere sweaters, a hoodie C keeps stealing, and gloves.
An IKEA Fado lamp for the Strategist Secret Santa game at work
A fresh set
You might have to start a stack for film reviews sister
Just realized I met your reading bag yesterday wow!!!