September was busy and beautiful and anxiety-inducing. I turned 30, which feels the same as 29 except I’m newly committed to saying exactly what I mean. I think 30 gives me permission, which, like all intellectual tricks and methods of self-deception, I’ve had the entire time. I spent the last few months of my 20s mourning them, not that I would no longer be in them necessarily—though I loved being in my late 20s—but watching the collective priority shifts that come with it. But then 30 came, and I ended up feeling optimistic and curious. More than that though, I felt grateful. To all of the versions of me that got me here and the people who journeyed with me along the way. I entered this decade knowing that I’m loved and that that love has freed me to do any and everything. It’s beautiful.
Anyway—onto the post!
Notes from September
I spent the first day of September in LA. Noor drove out to Palm Springs for Lacey’s birthday so we drove back with her, taking the long way down. By that I mean we stopped at Desert Mills, an outlet mall with cheap Ganni and reasonably priced Loewe. It’s basically the west coast version of Woodbury Common. I generally dislike this drive, mostly because I don’t like large objects (open bodies of water, massive mountain ranges, windmills up close). It wasn’t so bad though, because we had deep chat the entire way. Then we stopped for In N Out, which Noor insisted we try (overhyped!). I have to admit though, as we got closer to LA, I started to see the appeal. The mohair-looking hills, the palm trees, and as the city slowly came into focus in the distance I felt a little thrill.. Once we got into the city we hung out at Noor’s very cute apartment before heading to Lacey’s for a little game night before getting on a red-eye. It was a perfect day and made me want to go back (not too soon though!)
The following week, I went to dinner with Alex and her best friend at Karasu, a speakeasy restaurant in Fort Greene. Alex bullied me into trying cold noodles (never again) and we sipped wine and ate karaage. Toward the end of dinner, Alena joined us and then we went to a wine bar just minutes before it closed and split a bottle of orange wine.
That same week, C bought me flowers to kick off the birthday month.
Nace came to visit for a bit because she had a break from work. As always, it drove me crazy, but, predictably, I was sad when she left.
Taszie did a school assignment where she had to name someone she admired and she listed me as one of the three people (the other two were our siblings). It made my month, if not my year.
Madison has decided her birthday is in September now (I get it, it’s the best birthday month!), so we celebrated with dinner at Cervo’s and wine at Sauced. Madison is an expert at curating and connecting her people, so every event she had feels like a reunion with old friends.
Then it was Alex’s birthday (so many Virgos) and the same sentiment applies. Both of them are incredible community builders and I’ve yet to meet a loved one of theirs that I didn’t also adore. They keep good people around them. Alex rented out Milly’s, a bar in Bed Stuy, and filled it with the coolest people in Brooklyn and beyond. The drinks were incredible, the sliders something I’m still missing and the highlight of the night was her aunt (who came in from Canada!) praying over all of us.
Juicy J, of “Thinking With My Dick” fame, dropped a jazz album with Endea Owens, and it’s really good. I’ve been listening to it on repeat, specifically “I Miss You PJ,” which reminds me a little of Miles Davis. Other notable tracks: “Detroit Red Vibes” and “I’ll Tap Dance For Your Love”
On the topic of jazz albums, I’ve been listening to the new Destin Conrad album, wHIMSY and it’s incredible. I typically start it from the top and let it play through.
I’ve been putting my phone elsewhere after 9:30PM and my sleep has improved so much as a result. I also don’t let myself pick it up until after 9AM, which helps me to spend some time with myself before minding other people’s business.
Camille was in town from Chicago for a bit and she invited me to the launch of Sasha Bonet’s book The Water Bearers at The Strand. The book is about black mothers and daughters, which is a topic I’ve been waiting for us to get into as a collective. I think this book will push that forward. The room was a who’s who of the Black literary scene. I ran into so many writers I admire, including Jessica Lynne and Tarisai Ngangura. Doreen St. Felix moderated. Should I go on? The highlight of my night though, was running into Jet. The Strand is our spot, it’s where we had our first date, and kicked off our friendship. After, Camille and I headed to dinner at Ruby’s with friends of hers and the book’s after party at WSA, where the sparsely decorated room, soaked in blue light, had the distinct feel of a Hype Williams movie turned down a few notches. Niara was DJing, so the music was pitch-perfect. I loved it. I want Hype to make another movie. If I ever make a movie, I’m asking him to light it. There’s no other way. I also ran into Yaminah and we had some quick chat before I hopped in a car home.
Camille and I Alex took me to a Liberty game as an early birthday gift, but it felt like our celebration because our birthdays are a week apart. It was so much fun even though our girls played incredibly poorly.
C and I went to see The Brother’s Size, a play by Tarrell Alvin McCraney, whose work I adore (he also wrote High Flying Bird and co-wrote Moonlight). It’s about a family adjusting to life after incarceration, grappling with questions of freedom, flight, and what it means to be your brother’s keeper. I cried.
My second book, Fresh Sets, was reviewed by the NYT Book Review!
Noor was the first friend to land for the birthday weekend festivities, so we went to the Hera popup at Frog with her best friend Cameron, a sommelier who’s opening a wine bar on the Bowery called Crybaby. He knows the chef, Jay, so we ate many rounds of chicken thighs on pita and cauliflower and pork smash burgers and drank incredible wine. It was my last meal of 29 and some of the best food I’ve had in the past six months.
The next day was my birthday. I’d originally wanted to do a party, mostly because I’d never done one, but pivoted last minute to a dinner and a movie situation that was so much fun I wish I could do it all again. My main thing was that I wanted to see the sun set on my 20s, so I invited an intimate group for a sunset dinner at Three Peaks on Governor’s Island, a hotel that’s mostly glamping tents and looks out at the Statue of the Liberty. They put us in a private tent and served us this incredible prix-fixe menu (I’m still thinking about the shrimp). Afterwards, we headed to Miss Barb’s in Flatbush for a private screening of Bringing Down the House, one of my favorite movies of all time. I was raised in Flatbush so it was a sort of homecoming too, which felt sacred and right. I was fully ready to go home after the screening but my little sister insisted on us going out. I’m glad we did. I ended up dancing drunk off my ass, until 3AM at one of the lounges on the block and singing at the top of my lungs. The next day, my dad drove up with my stepmom and my little sister and we had lunch with everyone who was still in town. It felt nostalgic, because I was seated at a table with friends I’ve had since high school, splitting food with my dad like I always do. But it was so rooted in the present, because next to me, my baby sister is playing slide with my wife and my dad is asking me what I want to drink (a French 75, if you’re curious).
That Monday was C and I’s wedding anniversary (time flies!). We spent it with our couple friends, Jade and Nicole. We did dinner at Le Crocodile, my favorite spot for roast chicken and french fries and then drinks at Bar Madonna. Proud of us for staying up past our bedtime.
I took the following week off work, but somehow I still had a lot to do. I visited James Cohan to do something fun (more on this soon) where I encountered a bookshelf situation I want to replicate in the apartment, got a facial with Medik8 which introduced me Edyta, an icon, moderated a talk with Erika Veurink at Warby Parker to celebrate the release of her book Exit Lane and then headed up to University of Albany for the Albany Book Festival, where I talked about the politics of beauty, specifically nails, with Chantal Fernandez, who co-wrote Selling Sexy: Victoria’s Secret and the Unraveling of an American Icon. That same day, we drove back from Albany to celebrate O’s birthday at xGolf in Williamsburg, which was admittedly kind of a vibe. It was a busy week! I didn’t really rest. I think I have to leave the city for that
Still thinking about this bookshelf Okay I did get a lazy Sunday where C and I watched movies all day. It was divine.
Reading
The Late Americans by Brandon Taylor
This is about a group of students at a Midwestern college who are trying to grapple with the end of their academic careers and what comes next. It’s a kaleidoscopic novel populated with many characters who have various levels of safety in the social order in terms of what lies ahead. Despite the varying levels of risk, none are totally certain. They’re also grappling with their own mediocrity and what it means to get to the next level, when you’re decent at this thing you love. Taylor often deals with this in his work—his characters are never the best at anything—and it seems he’s asking what motivates people to continue with artmaking or dance or whatever, if it’s not immediately clear that they’ll succeed. Lots of characters doing it for the love of the game, so to speak.
Lonely Crowds by Stephanie Wambugu
I’ve said before that Lonely Crowds was one of my most anticipated reads of the year. It’s a coming of age story set in the ‘90s and follows Ruth, whose life is organized around her obsession with her best friend Maria. Their relationship, especially as children, is one that feels recognizable if you’ve ever been totally enamored with a friend who liked you a little less than you liked them. The relationship evolves as they age though the power dynamic remains intact, no matter how long they go without speaking, which I found compelling. Both Ruth and Maria are artists, and one of them makes it while the other is slower to bloom. There’s some interesting dynamics explored there too, which I appreciated. Wambugu has a very detached, almost clinical writing style, where big emotions are stated in a very straightforward way and things simply are. It works, mostly, but isn’t necessarily my preference, though I’ll be interested to see what she writes next.
Exit Lane by Erika Veurink
This starts off as an homage to When Harry Met Sally—there’s a post-college roadtrip to New York and the characters insist men and women can’t be friends—and ends up being a push-pull story that spans many years and many almosts. Despite the long stretch of time, it’s less than 200 pages and I zipped through it in two quick sittings.
Heartburn by Nora Ephron -
I’m a little more than halfway through this Nora Ephron novel, which I’ve heard is autofictional (I haven’t Googled to confirm). It is very voicey and fun and I see why she’s the OG of the modern romantic comedy. What I like about Ephron is that she understands that love is also social, so the book is as much a commentary on upper class society as it is about her getting through a breakup. She’s also very cognizant about all the reasons beyond love why we stay with people, and I loved that commitment to realism. I will say there’s a lot of off-color jokes and weird attitudes toward Black people, but I understand the book to be a product of its time (casual and structural racism abounded) and am able to enjoy it fully with that in mind.
Watching
Bringing Down the House - I watched this movie with my family a lot growing up, so much that when my aunt heard I was screening this for my birthday she called to quote it. This stars Queen Latifah and Steve Martin, who form an unlikely alliance because they each have something the other needs. It’s hilarious and has some of the most iconic movie one-liners like no negro spoken here! and the cool points are out the window and you got me all twisted up in the game. Then there’s the dinner scene, which, when it came on, had us all singing. A younger Jean Smart is in this, and she looks fine as hell!
Task - From the creators of Mare of Eastown (an all-time favorite!) comes Task, a small-town crime drama that stars Mark Ruffalo and Tom Pelphrey (he was incredible in Ozark). Set in the suburbs of Philly, it follows a couple groups—the FBI cell trying to put an end to a violent string of robberies, a biker gang that runs a crime syndicate, and the blue-collar, grieving family man who is responsible for the crimes. I’m liking it, but I’ll have to admit that I’ve rewatched it a bunch because I couldn’t get into it the first time around. Now that we’re a couple episodes in, I’m starting to like it more, but the first few episodes are a little slow. It’s also a show where you have to pay lots of attention, which I’m short on at the moment.
The Great British Bake Off - A high-stakes, low-cortisol show about a group of bakers who are there to win the title of best home baker but also to have a good time. It’s something I put on at the end of the night when I want to be entertained but not overwhelmed. I always look forward to seeing who Paul Hollywood will give out a handshake too and hearing Prue describe things as “quite [insert adjective here].”
Sleepers - This is about four friends who commit a crime as kids and then are sent off to a reform school where they’re horribly abused. When they grow up, they seek revenge. The movie is pretty good but what I liked more was that everyone in this grew up to be famous.
Reasonable Doubt - Jax is back! Season three follows a new case and a new crop of problems in Jax’s personal life. I like that the case this season isn’t connected to her personal life and it’s nice to see her and Lewis in a better place after watching them in the trenches trying to rebuild their relationship in season two. I watch this soapy drama for the family dynamics more than the legal stuff (it’s not that well done) and where I think it shines is showing the good and the bad years of a relationship along with rupture and repair. Their relationship isn’t perfect but they choose each other, so you can’t help but root for them a little, even if it’s lowkey a mess.
Cocaine Quarterback - This documentary is about a former USC football player who becomes an international drug smuggler for the cartel. It’s entertaining but a reminder of how certain people are allowed to fail their way into multi-part docuseries and others are criminalized and demonized. What I find interesting about American culture more broadly is the valorization of the maverick. We seem to be fascinated by people with agency who are willing to push against the structures to see if it breaks. This status is almost always conferred upon white men (sometimes given to white women, think Elizabeth Holmes and Anna Delvey). What would generally be seen as deviance and criminality turns into fascination. Spooky shit!
Alien: Earth - I never watched the Alien movies, but someone said this was good so I decided to give it a try. It’s gory and there are lots of bugs crawling and blood spewing, which freaks me out. There’s some interesting storylines about billionaires and their obsession with living forever, which I’m sure will become increasingly relevant.
Mickey 17 - In a climate-ravaged and technologically-advanced future, there are missions to colonize other planets, appalling because of a quickly deteriorating planet. One of these is led by a failed, megalomaniac politician with a devoted following. A desperate man named Mickey signs up for one of these missions as an expendable, a person who is used as a test subject and continues to be reuploaded and printed so the process can begin again. When we meet Mickey, he’s on his 17th iteration and in the beginnings of an existential crisis. To say more would spoil it but overall I enjoyed it.
Wish List
Freedom for oppressed people everywhere and an organized, people-led opposition
This J Crew dress I saw on the model Imani Rudolph
Also obsessed with this Toteme dress, and this Kwame Adusei skirt, which has a similar silhouette
An office chair. I like this dupe of the Knoll one, but I’m also interested in an oversized side chair.
Free People has lots of cute activewear, including these pants
A new pair of workout sneakers. I loved my Nike Metcon 5s, but they’re discontinued, so my only option is the Metcon 6s, which I think are less cute (I don’t like the knit upper situation). Recommendations welcome but please don’t say Hokas or On.
This Hoorsenbuh’s ring—my friend Telsha wears a stack and they are stunning
Expense Report
An extra $400 because Enterprise charged for an extra day we didn’t use
Birthday dresses that didn’t work out (I wore something in my closet)
Chicken tenders and High Noon at Barclays for Alex and I
A fresh set of lashes
Tickets to see The Brother’s Size
The Devil Finds Work by James Baldwin
Until next time.
So happy you could make it to the Book Launch, bb! 💙💙💙💙💙
Yet another favorite dispatch from the Black Literary Socialite beat! Watching all the shows I second guessed bc you said they were good.