“The world is falling apart and the children are dancing,” I wrote in my notes app while on the dancefloor at Karma Lounge in Newport News, Virginia. It’s a club located in a strip mall and shares an address with a Dollar Tree and a post office. Apparently the oxtail pizza is good. That night it was packed to the brim with Hampton University students because a snowstorm was on the way and classes were canceled preemptively. The club is supposedly for people over 21, but everyone looked very young. Or maybe I have age-blindness now that I’m pushing 30. I didn’t want to go out because I don’t like the club, even though once I get there I end up feeling like I should go out all the time. We were there to hang out with Connay’s godsiblings Caleb and Camille. Camille works at the university and knows many of the young people bobbing and moving to Young Pappy and Crime Mob. They love her. I’m amazed at the outfits. Velour tracksuits that look vintage but are brand new, oversized pants, tattered sweaters, the occasional heel. I can’t stop staring, marveling at how carefree they all seem. Don’t they know the world is falling apart? While I’m on the dance floor refreshing my preferred politics newsletters and reading mundane astrology horoscopes (have you seen the US’s Aries ingress chart?) girls are holding signs that say “It’s Not Love, You’re Drunk,” and standing on couches. The juxtaposition reminds me to be where my feet are, that the world continues and tonight is the only place I have to be. So I danced too.
February was marginally better than January in that I was less disoriented. I felt like I had my wits about me but I was no more confident in anything except that the people I love will always be my highest priority and my biggest responsibility. I say things like this often, but it’s because I mean it. I really love people and I believe in them—not in some fantastical notion of inherent goodness but in a shared humanity. Any moment that I’ve felt present and light and effervescent and happy in the past month is a direct result of being with family and friends or watching strangers talk to their babies like human beings or dance in a crowded room. I am only okay because I am in connection and I think this is the way forward if any of us have a chance at happiness. Anyway, onto the post!
Highlights from February
C and I went on a date for our 11-year anniversary. It’s been a long time and a good time and I’m grateful for that. We started off at Black Star Vinyl where we picked up records for my father-in-law (The Spinners if you’re curious). Then we headed to BAM to see Nickel Boys (incredible) and then The Center for Fiction. I showed restraint and only bought two books. It was also a good hair day, which feels important.
I’m not into football but on Superbowl Sunday I became an Eagles fan. Suddenly I understood the game, the devotion, the love for it. At one point, when the announcers thought Jalen would run the ball and he threw it, which resulted in a touchdown, I screamed. Part of the reason I don’t watch sports is because I get too into it. It’s safer for me to be indifferent.
A sleepover at our friend Madison’s. I recommend sleepovers with your friends, it’s good for the soul. Connay and Madison cooked, I washed the dishes and then somewhere around the midnight mark we tucked into the couch and watched the Luther documentary. Connay napped while Madison and I watched the singer’s life in awe. His first song being Never Too Much is quite literally insane. I’m still not over it.
It was snowy too, which felt magical Two weeks later we went back up to Madison’s for dinner. This time, there were more friends and even more wine and food. DeVonn made the best carrots I’ve ever had (roasted with sweet potato casserole seasoning) and I ate my weight in cheddar cheese. Then we played Jackbox TV, a Cards Against Humanity-style game where players generate their own answers. Great for groups.
Extracurricular was mentioned in the LA Times—which is very exciting. I’m grateful to everyone who reads this newsletter and am always thrilled when it gets recognized outside of this inbox or site.
Our friend Erin turned 30 and had a prom-themed party. We drove down to Baltimore to celebrate. She looked beautiful.
I baked Congo squares for C. This is my third time and my best batch so far. Congo squares are essentially blondie brownies with nuts in them and C’s favorite dessert. Her grandma made them for her every Christmas and since she passed, C’s aunt has taken up the mantle to make sure she gets them. This year, she didn’t get them so I made it. I also make batches around the anniversary of her grandma’s passing and her grandma’s birthday as a way to let her know I’m thinking of her and supporting her on days that, 12 years on, are still difficult.
My sister-in-law has been sending me her grandma’s baking recipes so I can make them for Connay. I can’t express how happy it makes me, both because I enjoy baking as a hobby, and because its become a point of connection for Tae and I. C also told me that her sister made an old recipe to mark their grandmother’s passing, which apparently she did for the first time after she and I talked about me baking for C around those dates during Christmas. I was moved by this, that my act of love is begetting more of the same. I’m really sentimental and sappy so this is the kind of stuff that gets me!
My father in law had a knee replacement so we headed down to Newport News for moral support. While there, I got my in-laws into Traitors. They liked it so much they were texting C updates at midnight because they were still watching the show.
I saw some cows covered in snow.
Had an impromptu date night with Jade and Nicole. We’re medium-distance friends (they live in Jersey) that don’t see each other a ton but we’d been meaning to get together since they got engaged in December. We ended up making same-day plans (my favorite kind) and met at a very cute diner in North Newark. We caught up and giggled late into the night.
I went to a reception for an anthology I contributed to— I Know What The Red Clay Looks Like. It’s a collection of essays by Black writers, who were thinking deeply about what it meant to make art as a Black woman. It’s incredible, and I’m honored to have played a small part. I wrote the intro to the incredible Barbara Summers, a multihyphenate who was many things across her career: a model, a teacher, a writer. Her most popular book is Skin Deep, which explored the role of Black supermodels in the fashion industry and showcased Black designers. Summers described herself as “A sister to several and a good friend to many,” and saw love as the answer to everything. She’s an inspiration to me on so many levels and I love that our names sit together in print.
In more project news, I wrote a coffee table book called Fresh Sets, which showcases nail art looks around the world. I got to interview so many incredible artists and dive deep into the current ecosystem, which has changed so much since I was a kid. That’s out April 8th.
My play-daughter Carmyn turned 27 and spent her birthday in New York. Even though we’re only two years apart, Carmyn and I met when she was a freshman in college and I was a senior. We were in totally different life phases—her at the beginning of something, me at the end of it—but managed to connect and get close. We went to Wei’s in Williamsburg (yum) and headed to Damballa after to dance. While there I ran into my college floormate, who I haven’t seen in a decade. I’ve been having lots of serendipitous run-ins lately and it’s making things feel a little magical. It’s weird, but in a good way.
That same week, we celebrated my friend Cristal’s birthday. Her partner, Utibe, threw her a surprise party in FiDi and it was incredible to be in a room full of people who love them. We’re double date friends so things tend to be siloed, but I liked getting some more context for these people who I love too.
I rearranged my most-intimidating closet. It was stuffed to the brim, so much so that I could barely close the door. Now, it’s very orderly, thanks to some wire racks for IKEA and strategic rearranging of my many dresses.
I launched a podcast with Mbiye called Sylly, which I’ve described as a podcast for the critical and curious. We talk about bigger cultural trends using specific pieces of media like a book or TV show or TikTok and dive deep while also talking copious amounts of shit. It’s a great time. We release episodes every other Friday.
Reading
Black Marxism by Cedric Robinson
Still here. Notes on chapter one coming soon.
Mutual Interest by Olivia Wolfgang-Smith
This novel is about a lavender marriage in the early 1900s. I’m only 40ish pages in but I’m loving the writing. It also feels deeply researched and knowledgeable of the world it inhabits, which I’m always impressed by. I love to read a writer who seemingly knows their stuff, it builds trust on the page. I’m also really enjoying the characterization. Everyone feels very clear to me, which can be rare to find. More on this once I finish, but I’m enjoying it.
Legendborn by Tracy Deonn
C and I are in a two-person book club (the wife club?) where I read a physical book while she does the audio version. She likes fantasy so I picked Legendborn, which I’d been curious about. It follows Brianna, a young girl who goes to a college prep program at UNC and ends up falling in with a secret society that essentially worships King Arthur and the knights templar. Their whole assignment is fighting off these half-corporeal demons who threaten to engulf the world in evil. It’s pretty straightforward in its aims and feels in line with the other stuff in its genre. I found the weaving of Black magical tradition with white medieval lore to be interesting, if not always fully realized. By the end I recognized that YA books are probably not for me but C liked it enough to keep reading, so I’m supporting her in that.
Sula by Toni Morrison
This book comes up the most when I ask my book dates about the novels that shaped them, so I figured it was time to read it and see what they were talking about. I’m a little over halfway into this and I forgot what it was like to be wrapped in Morrison’s prose. Her work is evocative and lyrical but not fussy. How she does that remains a mystery but I think that’s part of the allure. Sula is about a girl named Sula Peace and her best friend Nel who are growing up in The Bottom, a Black community at the top of a hill. It’s a place where everyone knows everyone and because of it they all judge and criticize. In some ways, they feel like a family. It’s infused with Morrison’s signature magical realism, where things are not quite right and shift when you hold them up to direct scrutiny. It’s fable-like, with characters that are both larger than life and deeply human. They’re stand-ins for bigger concepts with their own idiosyncrasies. At times it shouldn’t work but it does. See, a magic trick. I’ll likely write something longer about it because it's got me thinking about intimacy and community and boundaries and inheritance and loneliness–too many things for this tight space. I need to let it breathe. I need to live with it. I need to finish the book ha. I’ll be back to talk about it though, I promise.
“Lessons for the End of the World” by Hanif Abduraqqib
My friend Allison recommended I start sharing the articles I’m reading too, so I’ll start including the standout ones here. This is an essay by the brilliant Hanif Abduraqqib, who I’m consistently in awe of. I recently told someone that his work makes me want to write and is also demoralizing because once I read what he has to say on a subject I very rarely have anything to add. There is no “and another thing,” because he’s said it all. If he were a lesbian I’d probably put the pen down altogether. Anyway. This article he wrote for The New Yorker about Nikki Giovaani and Octavia Butler is a must-read. He talks about the lessons of Parable of the Sower, carefully untangling its meaning to think about our current circumstances beyond Butler being a prophet (though we all agree she is). It’s good stuff.
“Surviving Fascism: Lessons from Jim Crow” by Joel Cook
In order to understand this moment lots of people want to talk about Germany. Black scholars and observant Black people have been telling us to read up on Reconstruction and Jim Crow. This article offers practical ways for resisting fascism by pulling lessons from the latter and while it’s not anything revelatory, it’s a guidebook and a reference point.
Watching
Nickel Boys (MGM+) - I saw this on the last day of Black History Month at BAM in a room full of white people. I was glad they were there because everybody needs to be watching this, but especially them. It’s about two boys at a prep school in the South, one sent because he keeps messing up, another because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s an adaptation of The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead and I’d venture to say that it’s the best adaptation I’ve seen, probably ever. This is a difficult book to adapt because so much of it relies on the twist at the end. And in order for that twist to work, the visuals need to be obscured. This works well on the page and less well on the screen but RaMell Ross chooses to do away with the twist and sort-of present the information up front. He isn’t loud about it but the clues are there. Instead the movie captures the emotional undercurrent of the work. It’s the same story from a different perspective, its own thing altogether. This is the blueprint for any and all adaptations moving forward—emotionally faithful but charting new territory. It was incredible and moving and heartbreaking. A lot of white people were wiping their eyes dry at the end. And to that, I say good.
Luther: Never Too Much (HBO) - I was saying to my friend that we’re lucky to be living on the other side of Luther’s prime because we would’ve had no choice but to submit to men who were using Luther to get the girls out their panties. The women of that time were powerless against the sonorous sounds of Wait for Love and So Amazing. Any wrongdoing would’ve been instantly forgiven because how could you say no to that sound? Sonics aside, this was an incredible documentary. It showed the man behind the music, a man whose life was both beautiful and tragic because he yearned for love in a way he never fully received. He was a generational talent who spent much of his time transcending the traps set for him. He was funny too and had a work ethic that was admirable. Beyonce-like. He knew exactly what he wanted and made it so. I was inspired on all levels and have kept his music in rotation since—an excuse since I was already listening to So Amazing at least once a week.
I will watch any and all cult documentaries so I tapped into a few this month, including How I Left the Opus Dei, How I Escaped My Cult, and that godforsaken Ruby Franke documentary which qualifies. I’m fascinated by high control groups which often follow the same predictable cadence and commit the exact same crimes. Its convinced me that modern humans have a desire to feel special and that spiritual abuse is one of the darkest things. I also watched Let’s Start a Cult, an indie movie that distills the absurdity of these groups. It’s about a cult member who misses the mass unaliving so he decides to recruit new members to start over and try again. It’s a comedy that injects some levity into the whole thing, but there’s obviously some dark undertones.
I also watched a lot of people faking cancer and scamming people shows, such as Scamanda and Apple Cider Vinegar. The latter is a fictionalized take on Belle Gibson, the wellness influencer who became a quasi-celebrity in Australia in the early 2010s. Between Scamanada and Belle, I think Belle was the more sinister one. Scamanda took money from her church community but Belle was actively guiding people away from treatment by essentially saying that eating well can cure an illness that requires medication and using herself as proof. Her not being sick makes the whole thing so dangerous. Both women had this deep need for attention though and were willing to do any and everything to get it. Spooky.
My Cousin Vinny (Hulu) - I was on a bit of a Tubi tear. The streamer is host to an array of low budget shows and movies but also classics you might come across on a 3PM on a Sunday watching premium cable. My Cousin Vinny falls into the latter camp. It’s about a lawyer who is in way over head when he takes a case for his cousin who’s being accused of murder. It’s a fun movie—Marisa Tomei steals the show.
Nothing But Trouble (Tubi) - Another one from my Tubi tour. This movie is so wild. It’s about this banker who’s supposed to be driving to Jersey but decides to take the scenic route which takes him through a town where they have severe punishments for small driving infractions, like driving five miles over the speed limit. There’s something not quite right about the town and the judge, who seems to have been around for longer than humanly possible. Lots of hijinks ensue. There’s a Tupac cameo and he’s singing, which I thought was really fun. He as a penis nose, insane
A Piece of the Action (Tubi)- This movie about grifting men features a compendium of stars—including a young Sheryl lee Ralph, who gives an impassioned speech about class tension. It feels we’ve moved backward in discussing these things. A standout line: “I can recognize a poverty pimp when I see one. What’s happening is bourgeois bullshit”
Paradise (Hulu) - Mild spoilers ahead! Like everyone else I’m watching Paradise, which depicts a near-future, post-apocalyptic landscape where a global disaster has resulted in a handful of wealthy people going underground. It feels a little too on the nose for our present circumstances. Content aside, I think this show is fine. I’m never as surprised as I want to be or as invested in the characters as I’d like, but I’m enjoying tuning in. It feels a little like watching Scandal in real time.
My Best Friend's Wedding (Xumo Play)— I’d never seen My Best Friends Wedding, which is apparently in the pantheon of rom com movies. It’s not romantic in the way I expected. The relationship between the best friends who were once in love with each other is diabolical and Julia Roberts is both a villain and a crash out. Julia’s best friend George though...10/10. I cried at the end because nothing hits like your friend being there without you asking for it or when you feel like you least deserve it.
American Murder: Gabby Petito (Netflix) - This is a documentary about a girl who wanted to be a vanlife Youtuber with her boyfriend and ended up dead in the middle of a national park. It’s also about the media frenzy that ensued and the armchair vigilantes who stalked the family and pored over minute details to form theories about her disappearance. I found the sheer amount of content around her disappearance to be striking, not because she was undeserving of the coverage, but because it highlighted the exploitative side of true crime content. So much of it was about views disguised as concern, obscuring the sad truth that a family lost their child to a person they trusted.
The Traitors US - I’m cool on the US version of Traitors because the UK version is a superior product. The players are smarter and less concerned with outside beefs. The celebrity of it all actually makes the show worse and it feels like a way for reality stars to rehab their images (the tides are changing toward Tom Sandoval, for example). The traitors are bad at being duplicitous and the gameplay is atrocious. I’m trudging through in anticipation of UK season three. The only silver lining is that my in-laws now watch, so it gives us something to talk about.
The First Wives Club (Pluto TV) - I’ve been on a movies-I-should’ve-seen-already tear. I enjoyed this buddy comedy about scorned women who reunite after the death of their friend and decide to shake up their lives and get revenge on their horrible husbands. I liked it!
On My Wish List
Krosno glasses because I saw them at Madison U’s
These Salomon sneakers – I’m envisioning wearing them with a skirt and gold anklet for summer
These Nike Air Rift sneakers that Madison M. insists I don’t need
A rug for my bedroom
Midliner pens for color-coding my planner that I barely use
Expense Report
Candy for friend valentine’s that I still haven’t sent
Dries Van Noten boots that were 40 percent off at Net-a-Porter
Wire shelves from IKEA and metal bowls (with tops!)
Pants from ASOS that I love
Pants from Old Navy because I was moved by Harling’s house clothes piece and set out to improve my at-home wardrobe. They were $11 in-store, which is practically free. I also bought some workout clothes, and restocked on my favorite socks
Books for a book date (coming soon!) and books for myself including, Dream State by Eric Puchner
Until next time.
These posts fill me with an indescribable joy. It makes me think, black women are enjoying life and building community. And that makes me happy
Sula is a perfect book. Just absolutely perfect. I read it when I was 16 and it changed me. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts when you’re done!